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QUATES FOR COMPUTERS

Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. ~Doug Larson

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees. That'll do them in. ~Author Unknown

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back. ~Author Unknown

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. ~Author Unknown

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. ~Farmer's Almanac, 1978

Treat your password like your toothbrush. Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months. ~Clifford Stoll

User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot." ~Dave Barry

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. ~Edsger W. Dijkstra

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. ~Joseph Campbell

Computing is not about computers any more. It is about living. ~Nicholas Negroponte

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by Salon.com

Computers, huh? I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys. ~From the television show King of Queens, spoken by the character Doug Heffernan

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy. ~John Pierce

Hardware: where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is. Software: where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

But they are useless. They can only give you answers. ~Pablo Picasso, about computers

Computers have lots of memory but no imagination. ~Author Unknown

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke. It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws. ~Scott Adams ("Dogbert")

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done. ~Scott Adams

Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. ~Mitch Ratcliffe

Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse? ~Author Unknown

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. ~Andy Rooney

Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it. ~Author Unknown

Hardware: the parts of a computer that can be kicked. ~Jeff Pesis

I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere. ~Author Unknown

I just wish my mouth had a backspace key. ~Author Unknown

Spreadsheet: a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working. ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin. ~Robert A. Heinlein

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization. ~One of Murphy's Laws of Technology

A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space. ~Author Unknown

If it draws blood, it's hardware. ~Author Unknown

In God we trust, all others we virus scan. ~Author Unknown

It's not computer literacy that we should be working on, but sort of human-literacy. Computers have to become human-literate. ~Nicholas P. Negroponte

Rebooting is a wonder drug - it fixes almost everything. ~Garrett Hazel, "Help Desk Blues," 2002

Jesus saves! The rest of us better make backups. ~Author Unknown

Man is still the most extraordinary computer of all. ~John F. Kennedy

RAM disk is not an installation procedure. ~Author Unknown

The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. ~Author Unknown

The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8m/sec/sec. ~Marcus Dolengo

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little. ~Eric Porterfield

 
 
 
 
 
 
             
 
             
 
             
 
 
 
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